Have you ever seen a picture of a tardigrade? It looks like an alien. But tardigrades, also known as water bears, are earth-dwellers — and the toughest animals on our planet. Tardigrades can withstand extreme heat and cold, dehydration and starvation, and intense pressures. Incredibly, even a trip into space is no problem for them. Tardigrades are also prolific — you can find them all over the world, from the polar caps to the equator. We stand to learn a lot from these amazing creatures.
I found Jonathan Phelan, mental health coach and author of The Art of the Mentally Healthy Conversation, through Medium, and reached out to him for an interview. I was interested in speaking with him about his efforts to improve how we talk about mental illness in the workplace. Mr Phelan appeared uniquely attuned to the needs of employees and bosses who confront mental-health challenges and feel uncertain about the best path forward.
Mr Phelan told me that when he discovered tardigrades, their embodiment of resilience provided him with immediate inspiration. He then used tardigrades (in all their resilient glory) to open his book’s first chapter, and regularly “employs” them to introduce his inspiring lectures. If Mr Phelan has his way, tardigrades will be the emblem for those who seek to bring mentally healthy conversations to our occupations. However, for those dealing with mental-health issues, a workplace environment ruled by stigma may be more extreme than polar ice or volcanic peaks.
Your Wellbeing, Your Resilience, and Your Boss
I could pause here and deliver impressive stats on the prevalence of mental illness, but I suspect that you’ve already heard about the reports. Additionally, the U.S. faces rising incidents of addiction and premature death involving the drugs meant to treat mental illness. In the face of all this, Mr Phelan believes that if mental health challenges were destigmatized, and compassionate conversations about them were normalized, we would not only benefit those at their mercy, but combat multiple issues and benefit many families.
The way I see it, we can either continue and double-down on our current avoidant approach to mental illness and maintain our fear-based stigmatizing, or, like our friend the tardigrade, we could flex our resilience. So, how can we make things better for those who must deal with a mental illness at work? In answer to this question, Mr Phelan offers thoughtful and accessible guidance.
One of the most difficult challenges for someone experiencing a mental illness is bringing it up with a boss or co-worker. Too often, the talk focuses on the illness and its possibly disabling effects. In contrast, Mr Phelan offers a free Wellbeing Card which provides anyone facing a mental-health challenge with a positive framework for starting a conversation with a boss or co-worker which is rooted in their strengths, like their honesty, dedication, and intelligence. To Mr Phelan, a person’s strengths are their resilience resources. The Wellbeing Card encapsulates Mr Phelan’s philosophy that we are not broken when we experience a mental illness, but capable and easily empowered.
“A Wellbeing Card is not about the illness,” Mr Phelan told me, and he went on to explain that most bosses are not equipped to deal with the topic of an employee’s mental illness. But, in opposition to the norms of awkwardness or stigma, bosses and employees can choose to “shift the conversation from the mental illness to what [our bosses] can do to make us stronger.”
How You Can #MakeItNormal
A Wellbeing Card addresses three important topics of discussion: triggers for the illness, resilience resources, and focusing on talents and abilities. I asked Mr Phelan if the Wellbeing Card was a tangible item, and he said yes, but not necessarily. The “card” provided talking points, where before there were none. A person could either print one out or keep the talking points in mind during a conversation with their boss or co-worker. Here’s an example from Mr Phelan’s website, Evenhood.org, where he heads a #MakeItNormal campaign aimed at making conversations about mental health at work the norm:
“As well as what I do with Evenhood, I am also a leader in a large financial institution,” Mr Phelan said. “Before I’d had much experience around mental health, if somebody had come up to me and started talking about being depressed, or going through a bereavement… anorexia… self-harm… I know it’s really difficult as a boss to know what to do.”
In contrast, “Jack” (as in the case above) used a Wellbeing Card to affirm to his boss that though he faced a mental illness, he intended to remain capable. In addition, the card encouraged his boss to enable Jack to excel at his job, rather than discount or stigmatize him. I wondered how the card’s template would apply to someone who was experiencing grief at work (which I have written about before), so I asked Mr Phelan for his advice on a current situation I had at my office.
Comfort Without Words, Guidance Without Advice
One day, I saw a co-worker, Judy, in tears in another co-worker’s office. My other co-worker offered Judy comfort in a hushed voice. I thought that perhaps Judy’s brother, sick with a terminal illness, had passed away. I didn’t want to ask Judy that at the time, but I wanted to do something to help. I brought Judy a box of tissues, placed my hand on her back, rubbed, and left. Judy thanked me but I wasn’t sure if I had helped or not. I asked Mr Phelan how I should approach the situation with Judy in the future.
“One of the best invitations you can make to someone who is hurting,” Mr Phelan said, “is to say that you’ll listen, and that you’ll listen without offering advice.” Mr Phelan urged that if you say you will not offer advice unless you are asked, then that invitation is a lot less intrusive than expectantly asking someone if they need to talk. In these situations, unless advice comes from a professional counselor, “Advice is pretty useless,” Mr Phelan continued. “Nobody’s got insight into what billions of brain cells and millions of experiences are doing to you. So, the best thing someone can do for you is to listen to you… that’s the best thing you could do for your co-worker.”
In closing our interview, I asked Mr Phelan what he would like people to know about his current efforts. Mr Phelan said that in answering requests for Wellbeing Cards, he realized that he could provide a further benefit by creating a guide, or “nine steps to discover your own resilient resources.” According to Mr Phelan, resilience depends in great part on our environment — where we live, sleep, work, and so on. But if I could not easily change a “bad” environment, like a difficult boss at work, what then? Mr Phelan’s guide offers this type of nuanced and detailed guidance.
The guide, Be a More Resilient You, is available on Evenhood.org. Mr Phelan emphasized that he would continue to create Wellbeing Cards on request and for free, “so long as I’ve got time for it. I’m happy to do that for people.” If you’re looking to broaden your compassion, become more resilient, and have mentally-healthy conversations at work, Mr Phelan is a valuable resource. Together with Mr Phelan, I believe you and I can change the talk about mental health at work, and give the tardigrade something to admire about human resilience.